


The Flight of Time OR A Recount of the History of My Dear Friend Raphael Relógio and Our Adventures Thereafter

by Kontheria



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Fantasy, M/M, Role-Playing Game, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-02-09 18:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18643318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kontheria/pseuds/Kontheria
Summary: The unsuspecting wizard Lysander finds himself confronted with a forward watchmaker, who seems very interested in him. Over time he notices that his thoughts are not as straight and as unclouded as they used to, and his eyes wander over to his new friend, who himself seems to pay him far too much attention.A fantasy romance in the D&D universe.





	1. A Chance Meeting

Due to recent events I have been compelled to document the meetings and my relationship with my dear friend, Raphael Relógio. It was quite some time ago, and apart from our far too irregular intercourse by letter, I have not heard from him much about his adventures. But I am getting ahead of myself, permit me to start over to recount certain events of my past.

During my studies of the ancient texts regarding the origin of wild magic and dragons, its most marvellous users, I happened to rest in a forest. Since it was a nice day and I had my writings with me, I sat on a rock in the sun and pursued my studies there, surrounded by peace and quiet. The place I chose was in close vicinity to a path, so I could not stop travellers from passing by every now and again, but it seemed to be quite removed and not a popular route, so I wasn’t disturbed quite as much as I would have been in an inn. I made quite respectable progress, immersed into my scrolls when I was approached by a stranger.

‘Hello there, handsome,’ he said and gave me a most radiant smile. I studied his face and looks for only a moment before returning to my scrolls. It was quite a curious combination. He was clearly human, of average height for a man of his age as far as I could tell and quite well built. His clothes resembled those of the gnomes I had contact with, a waistcoat in bright colours and a wonderful pattern, a cravat and even the magnifying goggles on the top of his head I hadn’t seen outside a gnome’s workshop until now. His long curly hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and out of his angular face with a short beard, his blue eyes pierced straight into my mind.

‘If you have no business with me,’ I replied in my usual tone. ‘I’d appreciate it if you were on your way, sir.’

There was silence for just a moment.

‘Not a response I usually get,’ I heard the man chuckle to himself. ‘I guess I’m losing my touch.’

I tried my best to ignore his presence, but the shadow he was casting on my papers made it harder and harder for me to focus. After only a few more moments I had to abandon my reading and with a sigh I once more addressed myself to the individual who had so rudely interrupted me.

‘Sir, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d much like to get on with my studies.’

‘I’m afraid I can’t let you.’

The tone of his voice made me frown. Something about him was quite pleasant to me, and the way he had said it was kind and perhaps a little sad, not even a hint of malice.

‘And why is that?’

‘Because that would put you into grave danger, and I could not allow that to happen.’

I felt struck with a sense of admiration. This was the first time in my memory someone insisted on saving me, and that even before I had gotten myself into serious trouble in the first place. I was quite capable of getting out of most situations, but this man seemed to care a great deal even though I would not even consider us acquainted at this point.

‘Good sir,’ I started once more, and the grin I saw flash across his face put me off my beat for a moment. Was my polite expression amusing? ‘Would you care as to tell me why I would be in danger here? There is not a cloud in the sky and the path is nice and quiet.’

‘There is a reason why it is quiet,’ the young man explained and hefted his weapon, a large hammer, which looked to have more cogs and wheels than any other contraption I had seen before. ‘There is an orc war band coming. I was trying to avoid them for some time now, but they are headed this way.’

‘A war band?,’ I gasped and dropped some of my scrolls. I hastened to pick them up again and only found about half. When I looked back up I saw the stranger holding the rest of them in his arm.

‘I’ll help you carry those, if you like,’ he offered with another bright smile. ‘But I’m glad we’re on the same page now.’

He was quite correct. If there was a war band coming, no matter what species, I should better get out of there. I stuffed the remaining scrolls into my satchel, the only possession I had next to the clothes I was wearing, and needed as far as I was concerned. When I tried to get the remaining documents back, I saw that the stranger had already continued walking further down the path without returning them.

‘Would you mind?,’ I asked, one hand extended towards them when I caught up. ‘Those are quite valuable.’

‘I can tell’ he said with another smile. ‘What are they about?’

‘This doesn’t seem like the right time for academic discussion,’ I replied and tried to snatch them from his arms, but he held them too high for me and walked on, laughing. ‘And if I recall correctly, you said there are fighters headed this way. Perhaps we should try and be a bit more quiet?’

‘I’m not the one jumping around,’ the man responded and walked on. I had no choice but to follow his lead. It was clearly the only feasible way for me to get my scrolls returned to me. I could not tell how far we went, but I could hear heavy steps in the distance behind us, and that gave me great strength and speed. Then another noise caught my ear and I reached out for the man’s shoulder. He stopped and turned to face me.

‘It appears they cut us off,’ I told him and gestured towards the path up ahead. ‘I just heard two goblin voices around the next corner.’

The man’s face twisted in anger.

‘You’re sure? Yes, of course you are,’ he muttered to himself. Then he put an arm around my shoulders and hurried me off the path and into the bushes. ‘We better hide then,’ he whispered, but made no attempt to move quietly over the dry branches. I struggled in his grip but I could not get free. His hand wasn’t hurting me in any way, but it was simply impossible for me to go anywhere he would not allow me to.

‘If I may lead,’ I murmured. ‘We might have a bit of a better chance.’

The man stopped and his grip loosened. I straightened my shirt before I led him through the branches, pointing those out he should try and avoid, heading for a particularly dense bush, which I hoped would prove to be hollow on the inside. When I pushed through the leaves I saw that my suspicion had been correct. Once we were both inside I looked back and saw with relief that the path I had chosen had left little track of our passage, and with some luck and perhaps a little distraction, nobody would find our hiding place. However only moments later I once more heard heavy footsteps heading in our direction. Through the leaves I saw lumbering shapes make their way through the bushes, sniffing the air and grunting to each other in a strange tongue. I gasped when I recognised them by their grey skins and tusks to be orcs. A hand clamped over my mouth from behind and another arm grabbed me by the waist and pulled me deeper into the bush.

‘Not a sound,’ the stranger breathed into my ear, and the feeling of his words on my neck and my body being pressed against his distracted me from the rather life-threatening events around us. It only took me a moment to gather my wits once more and I fumbled in my material pouch until I knew I had a bit of sheep’s fleece in my hand. With my other hand I drew the magic sigil into the air and directed it towards a bush a fair distance from us. There was a cracking noise and the orcs’ heads shot round. As they approached what they now believed to be our hiding spot, a deer jumped out from between the leaves and fled away from the pursuers. The orcs, being the simple-minded creatures that they are, gave chase immediately and I sagged with relief, still in the stranger’s arms. He removed his hand once the noise of steps had died away in the distance.

‘Lucky for us that deer made a noise when it did,’ he remarked, still in a low voice, and put me back down.

‘Luck had nothing to do with it, my good man,’ I informed him, pride dripping off every syllable. ‘The noise was me.’

‘You?’ He stared in disbelief.

‘Indeed.’ Now it was my turn to grin. ‘Although I do agree that Timora must have been watching, had the deer not been in that bush, the distraction would not have been nearly as successful.’

‘What’s your name, my friend?,’ the stranger grinned and held out my remaining scrolls to me.

‘I am known as Lysander,’ I informed him and took them without a second thought. ‘And who might you be, my good sir?’

‘Raphael Relógio,’ he said with the broadest smile yet and bowed, making the branches shower us in leaves. ‘And if I could be anyone’s good sir, I wouldn’t mind being yours.’


	2. Stars in the Palm of his Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the excitement, their journey to the next town is uneventful. There, Raphael is able to surprise Lysander with his mechanical ingenuity, and they bump into an old friend of his. Pan.

We journeyed for a while along the same path, once we had assured ourselves no further dangers were coming our way. Near evening we reached a crossroads and turned towards a small town nearby. There were neither smoke nor screams, so we were satisfied that wherever the war band was headed, it wouldn’t have ransacked the place. Raphael led the way and was quite enthusiastically telling me about his training by an old gnome near Waterdeep, how his father had been so proud to have his son chosen as an apprentice to a gnome engineer. I heard the adoration and dedication in his words when he spoke of his discoveries in temporal and scientific measurements and the development of instrumentation for this purpose. By now I could tell that under those marvellous chestnut curls was a keen mind, ready to probe any crevice in the universe with a screwdriver in the right size and shape.

I have to admit, I was quite taken by him. There was something about him, something in his voice, in his smile, in the way he moved, as though the world belonged to him and he could do what and where he wanted to. And part of me was more and more glad that he had chosen to journey this way with me. His company was pleasant and he showed genuine interest in my field of research and even seemed to share my fascination for the origin of magic and magic users. Talking in this way we reached the town and surrounded by strangers I once more lapsed into silence. Raphael headed straight for the town’s inn and I followed, staying behind when he entered the house. Part of my nature was that I never appreciated roofs unless it was raining. The sun and fresh air, the smell of leaves and fresh grass on the wind were much more preferable to me than sweat and spilled ale.

So I sat down under a tree in the village green and once more spread out my scrolls around me, reading and comparing passages, trying to find an answer to the question I still didn’t know how to ask. I tried my hardest to ignore the part of my mind that made me look up at the door every so often to see if Raphael had disappeared for good. He hadn’t said a word before he went inside, and I had successfully resisted the urge to follow him. And after all, it was my choice. After what felt like half an eternity I saw him reemerge, look around and spot me under the tree. The familiar grin returned to his face as he approached me, put down his hammer and leaned on it, resting his chin on his hands.

‘So this is where you got to,’ he remarked and looked at my scrolls. I shrugged.

‘Forgive me, I prefer the company of solitude.’

Raphael didn’t respond, he simply watched me continue my studies in silence.

‘Can I invite you to dinner?,’ he asked after a while. ‘I feel like I owe you for before.’

I considered this. Why would he feel indebted to me? ‘I rather thought we were even,’ I replied. ‘After all, if you hadn’t insisted I came along, the war band would surely have found me unprepared.’

‘Maybe,’ he conceded. ‘But still. I’d like to invite you for dinner. Unless you object.’

I gave another shrug. ‘If you insist.’ Why would I say no, if I didn’t have to spend my own money.. And although normally I spent my meals in silent contemplation and further study, perhaps it would be a rewarding experience to break with that habit for just one evening. Realising that my answer did not entirely reflect my intentions, I gave Raphael an attempted smile, hoping he would understand. To my surprise he smiled back and winked. I could feel my cheeks starting to burn and hastily looked back at my scrolls, clearing my throat. For quite a while I felt his stare on me as I tried to immerse myself once more into the writing. Then without a word he straightened up and disappeared into the inn, leaving his hammer behind. I looked after him, sure he would be back soon, but yet I felt uncertain. Would he truly return? What reason did he have to seek my company, if he could have anyone else in this world?

It wasn’t customary for me to dwell on thoughts such as those. There had been times when someone caught my eye, but never quite like this. And never had this attention ever been returned, and certainly not in such a pleasurable fashion. As I sat in contemplation of Raphael, I saw him re-emerge from the inn, carrying a tray. He approached and sat down under the tree next to me, placing the tray on the ground. There was bread, meats and cheeses and even two tankards with what I assumed to be ale, a beverage I myself did not indulge in. But in company, and especially in his, I presumed I would not have a choice.

‘You are too kind,’ I smiled when he invited me to help myself. He simply smiled and shrugged.

‘Can’t help it,’ he returned. ‘Besides, this is not entirely selfless. After all, it gives me an excuse to pry you away from your books and scrolls for a while.’ His wink made it clear that he knew all too well about my regular habits of avoiding company at all costs in favour of my studies. ‘I have to admit, I quite like talking with you. It’s refreshing to have such long words thrown at you when all you try to do is smalltalk.’

‘I do apologise if my eloquence is inappropriate for the conversation you had in mind,’ I returned, and was surprised by a burst of laughter from my interlocutor. Had I misunderstood?

I let Raphael do the talking during the rest of our meal. It was easy enough, since he enjoyed to tell tales and explain phenomena I hadn’t heard of yet. He mentioned a few of his previous travelling companions, a bard and a ranger who he happened to meet on his journey, but other than that his stories concerned hearsay and legends more than his own experiences. As the evening progressed, the light got dimmer and eventually we were sitting in relative darkness outside the brightly lit inn. I did not mind much, my kind was rather adjusted to seeing in the dark, and Raphael didn’t even seem to notice. Perhaps it was because he had his eyes on me rather than on our surroundings. Once every last morsel from the tray had been consumed and the tankards emptied - mine had taken considerably longer, I hadn’t enjoyed the contents very much and had to force myself to drink it - Raphael got back to his feet and reached a hand out to help me up as well.

‘There is something I wanted to show you,’ he said, not letting go of my hand and looking up and then around. He dragged me behind the inn to a space in the back where there were no lamps and no lit windows. I protested of course, I did not like leaving my writings behind, but I was also curious as to what my new companion wanted to show me at this time of night and in such a dark place. He had taken his hammer with him, so I made sure I had necessary materials within reach in my pouch, should I need to fire off some spells. Who knew what might happen to two young men in the night.

Looking at the sky repeatedly, Raphael turned, twisted and moved bits of his hammer. I hadn’t been incorrect when I stated that it had more cogs and wheels than any other contraption I had ever seen in my life. First he pulled out two telescopic legs and turned his hammer into a tripod, then he turned and twisted what I now recognised to be a clock face on both opposing sides of the head. Once he was happy, he knelt down underneath the suspended hammer head and squinted into it. After a while he turned some more screws, looked past the hammer into the sky and finally gave a satisfied nod. I had watched all of this in amazed silence. What was the purpose of this display of impromptu engineering?

‘You wouldn’t happen to have any blank paper on you?,’ he asked me without warning and I jumped at the sound of his voice. I hadn’t expected him to speak at all.

‘I do with my other things,’ I replied. ‘I’ll get you some.’

He gave a nod without looking up from his wonderful machine. I returned to where we had our dinner previously and took the opportunity to tidy away the scrolls I had been working on and ensure they did not get damaged in the damp night air. I took a blank sheet from one of my satchels and returned to Raphael behind the inn building. In the dark I saw him shift his weight from one foot to the other while he stared in the direction I had disappeared in, and once he saw my shape approach, his face broke into the all too familiar smile once more.

‘Great,’ he said when I handed him the paper. ‘You’re going to love this.’

He placed the paper on the ground under his hammer and started to turn more screws in his contraption. I saw a bright patch on the paper under his hammer, and the more he twisted and turned certain parts of it, the clearer it seemed to get. In the end I was staring at a bright orb surrounded by rings.

‘Isn’t it great?,’ Raphael beamed, taking his hands off the screws and staring from me to the image and back to me.

I couldn’t find words. All I could do was stare at the depiction of this stellar object, suddenly within reach of my grasping hand. I moved my finger through the beam of light I could see fall down from the telescope Raphael’s hammer had turned into. The shadows moved across the perfect image on the paper and I saw the colours and shapes of the rings and the beautiful surface move across my own skin. So I sat in the darkness, staring at the beauty this man had brought down from the heavens for me. Every now and again he would turn some screws and adjust the direction of his hammer as the stars moved overhead.

‘I am surprised,’ I managed at least. ‘This is your prefered weapon, is it not?’

‘Of course.’

‘Then how can you ensure the fragile and precise lenses don’t take any damage?’

Raphael scratched the back of his head.

‘Pure luck,’ he managed in the end. ‘Since I installed them I’ve only been in battle twice. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure they were still working until just now.’

‘And still you wanted to show me something?,’ was my surprised reply. ‘Were you not afraid to embarrass yourself if they had broken?’

‘Not afraid, no,’ he smiled down at me. ‘But I would have been disappointed. It seemed like a good way to impress you.’

I remained silent at this. It was true, I was very impressed. But I had already been impressed before then, so I didn’t understand why he went to the trouble.

‘Are there any other miracles hidden away in that hammer of yours?,’ I asked with a smile, testing how far I could push his ingenuity.

‘Not in the hammer, no,’ he replied and with a few turns of the screws the image of the planet disappeared. He started to fold his telescope back together and not long after his hammer lay on the ground as though none of this had ever happened. It still looked more like a delicately engineered tool, a special edition grandfather clock, than a damage-dealing instrument to me, and now I was even more aware of the miracles it was able to work. Once his work was finished he patted his pockets. ‘I’m sure I have it somewhere,’ I heard him mumble to himself. After his pockets he started to search through his pack and other belongings.

I was about to return to my place under the tree, when he exclaimed: ‘Oh, got you, you little devil.’

When I turned to face him, for a moment I thought he had caught a star in his hand. Between his finger gleamed a golden sphere, perhaps an inch in diameter but no larger than that. And it was shining a light of its own in the darkness of the night. I looked more closely and saw metal rings and cogs surrounding it, but I could not for the life of me figure out what it was.

‘The reason I’m on the road and not in a workshop,’ Raphael told me when I asked and allowed me to examine it more closely. But even when I held it in my own two hands, I could not make more sense of it than before. ‘I think, it might be time itself. Infinity in the palm of your hand.’ He took it back and tucked it away in his waistcoat. Then he winked at me.

‘We better turn in for the night,’ he said. ‘It’s getting a bit late.’

Since he insisted, I agreed to spend the night in the inn, in a room next to his. I did my very best to avoid the crowd inside when I followed Raphael to the stairs leading to the top floor towards the back of the common room. I paid my fee to the innkeeper, who looked me up and down but then just shrugged and took care of his other customers.

‘Did you think you’d just get past me without saying hello?,’ a female voice behind me called out and a hand reached past me to grab Raphael by the shoulder. Taken aback I half turned and backed into another person on my other side. After I had apologised for bumping into them, I turned around once more to see Raphael in deep conversation with a young, half-elf woman. He waved me to come closer and put an arm around my shoulders when I joined the conversation.

‘This is Lysander,’ he introduced me to the stranger. ‘We just met on the road today.’

‘Lucky you,’ the half-elf replied with a wink and gave a pleasant laugh. Then she extended a hand, which I ignored. ‘Pan, it’s nice to meet you!’

‘Likewise, I’m sure,’ I answered automatically, hugging my satchel with the scrolls. ‘You know each other then?’ This was to Raphael.

‘Oh yeah, we travelled together right after I left home the first time,’ he explained, still looking at the woman who had introduced herself as Pan. ‘You were looking for someone then, I believe?’

‘Still am,’ she sighed and shrugged. ‘I don’t know, does that count as a holy quest? Maybe I should consider myself a paladin now.’

They both laughed at that and I frowned.

‘Forgive me,’ I started, ‘but for all I know, you could be a paladin…’

At that remark she produced a harp from behind her back. It was golden, even the strings, and was engraved with images of winged warriors and strange writing I was sure I had seen before.

‘Bard,’ she explained. ‘Not the best, but…’

‘Don’t say that,’ Raphael interrupted. ‘You’re bloody good. You should hear her play!’

‘I’m all done for tonight,’ Pan smiled at the floor. ‘Maybe next time, if you’re still around.’

I shrugged, unsure what to respond.

‘It’s late,’ Raphael said. ‘We better go upstairs. No, not like that,’ he added when Pan grinned. ‘Come on, you know better.’

‘Yeah, I do. I remember back in - where was it? - Keledon, when you and that…’

‘Stop it,’ Raphael laughed. ‘That was different. Just let it go, Pan. We’ll see you tomorrow.’

I had looked from one to the other, trying to find back into the conversation, desperately looking for the part that I had missed, but then Raphael led me away with a gentle hand and up the stairs.

‘You seem to know each other well,’ I remarked when we were out of earshot.

‘She knows me too well by half,’ Raphael laughed again. ‘Don’t listen to a word she says.’

‘Even when I do, I don’t seem to be able to follow your conversation,’ I grumbled, irritated at the fact that there was yet another mystery I could not figure out.

‘That’s probably for the best.’ Raphael’s laughter this time was louder. He opened a door on the corridor on the top floor and gave a slight bow. ‘This is yours.’ It was a basic but comfortable room. ‘I’m right next door. Have a good night.’ When I walked past and before I could do anything, Raphael had kissed me on the cheek, then he closed the door behind me and I was left alone in the dark room.


	3. Pandora Angelica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day, Pan joins their party and Lysander is forced to tolerate her presence and even be sociable in the evening. But the next morning Pan tells him, that Raphael is already out on the road with his packed possessions. Is he about to leave Lysander behind?

The next day my early studies were interrupted by banging and metal noises next door. After a moment’s hesitation I picked up my material pouch and opened my door with extreme caution. Only yesterday I escaped a war party by a hair’s breadth, I didn’t intend to confront violence again this soon. But the corridor outside was empty, and the noise was coming from the door next to mine, the one Raphael had indicated as his lodgings for the night. I knocked, but I doubted anything could be heard of what sounded more and more like a smithy in his room, so I opened the door and darted a look around the room. At first I struggled to detect where in this tight space the noise was coming from, but then a head of curly hair appeared upside-down in my vision and gave me a beaming smile.

‘Morning,’ Raphael said, still upside down and winked. ‘I didn’t pick you for the type to just walk into another man’s room.’

I fought hard to stop the blush before it started. How could he always make me this flustered with only a few words? He had his knees over a metal rod lodged in the rafters of his room and was evidently engaging in physical activity, something I was determined to stay away from myself. His well-built body was stripped to the waist only his trousers were the same as I recalled from yesterday. For what felt like far too long I couldn’t take my eyes off his very visible abdominal muscles, his skin glistening with perspiration and emanating a warm glow in the early morning light. When I finally regained my self-control, my response was more a stammer than my usual collected speech.

‘Forgive me,’ I managed. ‘I believed you to be in some kind of danger and came to help.’

Raphael chuckled, swung himself off his training equipment and landed on both feet with his back to me. The shape of his shoulders framed against the light from the small window made me hold my breath. He picked up a cloth and wiped the sweat off his face and his hands before he turned to face me once more with his smile.

‘You were worried about me?’

‘Well,’ I started and cleared my throat. ‘I was merely ascertaining whether my latest travelling companion was in need of assistance. My morning studies don’t get interrupted by strange metallic noises on a regular basis.’

There was a frown on Raphael’s face for just a moment, wiping the smile off his lips and I was wondering if I had not expressed myself adequately or if he felt at fault for interrupting my very important work.

‘It is no matter,’ I added and smiled in an attempt to put him at ease. ‘I’m glad to see you are not under attack.’

The radiance returned to his face and he put a heavy hand on my shoulder while his eyes looked into mine. It was the strangest sensation, as if I fell into an abyss of the most incredible shade of blue, my feet could no longer feel the floor as they were floating above it and my heart started to race as though something terrible was chasing me. And yet I felt the happiest I had been in my memory.

‘It’s good to know you’ll be there if I need you,’ Raphael’s voice reached me from afar and a few hearty pats on my shoulder brought me back into reality. I blinked and shook my head to regain full consciousness. That was the only explanation for what I had just experienced, a momentary lack of mental discipline. Possibly it was time I had some more sustenance, perhaps some fresh fruit. While I had been lost in my self-analysis, Raphael had started to dress and I turned my attention to his construction in the rafters in an attempt to take my eyes off him. The metal rod bore resemblance to the handle of his mechanical hammer and upon closer examination I saw the head of his hammer divided into two, one half at each end to provide more support. 

‘What was it you were doing?,’ I asked over my shoulder, still puzzled at the noises I heard.

‘Just my morning exercises,’ was his response, slightly muffled by his cravat. ‘I might have trained as a watchmaker, but I also need to be able to defend myself and others. And for that I need to stay in shape.’

‘I am aware of why you were hanging from the ceiling like a bat,’ I replied. ‘I was referring to the acoustic background that accompanied your training. It seemed more appropriate to a blacksmith’s workshop than to your sleeping quarters.’

There was a quiet chuckle from behind me and a hand pushed me aside with great care. I took a step towards a wall and watched as Raphael reached up with one arm, took hold of the rod and pulled himself up far enough to reach for the halves of his hammer with his other hand. His feet were hovering a fair bit above the ground now and I watched in amazement as he deconstructed his training equipment before my eyes while holding himself up by a single hand.

‘I hadn’t realised it was so loud,’ he explained when he dislodged the rod with a twist of his hand and landed on his feet. ‘But I guess I was lucky you weren’t sleeping anymore.’ His smile looked slightly insecure at this statement and I felt it wouldn’t be appropriate of me to point out that elves in fact didn’t sleep. ‘It is a mechanical counter and I have to hit it every time I come up,’ he continued his explanation as though I had asked about details. ‘You should try it some time.’

‘I doubt I would even be able to reach it,’ I replied looking up at the rafters. I was tall for my kind, but Raphael nevertheless still towered over me

‘I can give you a boost,’ he grinned. ‘We’ll have you up there in no time.’

For a moment I pictured myself hanging from a beam in the roof like a wet robe. It sounded more like a source of amusement to Raphael than valuable time spent to me, so I merely shook my head.

‘Would you care to join me for breakfast?,’ I brought myself to say, and the smile on Raphael’s face rivalled the sunrise I saw in the window behind him.

‘It would be my pleasure.’

It being just after sunrise, we enjoyed our morning meal in relative solitude in the inn’s common room. From the general silence and absence of people, I gathered that whatever celebration they had last night, it must have gone for a long time. Over our meal I learned that unlike me, Raphael was travelling to find a workshop for himself to settle down, and I felt compelled to tell him of a man I had encountered a few weeks back in the area who owned a suitable shop but was himself only a mechanic by necessity, not because he appreciated the art or had the knowledge to build the delicate mechanisms I had seen from Raphael. The previous owner had been a gnome and simply left one day, leaving a vacancy and a shop full of mysterious tools. My companion perked up at this news and asked if I would be willing to make introductions and he would happily prove himself to be worthy of such a task. I had all the confidence of the world in him and suggested we should leave on the day so we would arrive in two days time.

We made our preparations to depart and when we were once more on the road, I heard a musical noise coming from behind us. When Raphael noticed it as well, he smiled to himself and asked if I minded if we had another addition to the party, which I negated, so we slowed down until I heard graceful footsteps approach on the path behind us. It was the bard we met on the night before, Pan, and she was beaming when she caught up with us.

‘I thought I saw you sneak away’ she told Raphael and embraced him with such force that he had to take a step back, but he simply laughed, put one arm around her delicate waist and put her back down. She, being of the same height as me, had jumped to reach around his neck with her arms.

‘I didn’t know you wanted to come along as well,’ he explained. ‘But then, you still go where the wind blows, eh?’

‘Pretty much,’ she grinned and turned to look me up and down. ‘Good to see you again Lysander,’ she said and cocked her head. ‘Did you have a good night?’ Something about her smile became unsettling at this point and my eyes moved over to Raphael who was just shaking his head.

‘Pan, you’ll scare him.’

Suddenly her face was far too close to mine, her hazel eyes digging into my head, and before I could react she had pulled back again, gave me a much kinder smile and put a hand on my shoulder.

‘Nah, he’s a good one,’ she declared. Then she became serious and talked to me once more. ‘But you better be careful of Raphael. He’s trouble.’

‘Pan!’

They both laughed and I was once more left looking from one to the other, not sure if they were laughing about me. After this short interlude, we continued on our way and spent a nearly eventless day on the road towards our destination. When we rested for lunch, I thought it prudent to ask Pan a little about herself. She seemed far more confident than both Raphael and me and I enquired whether she would be able to help should we get into a fight. She sadly shook her head and pulled her rapier from her scabbard.

‘Not much use against normal enemies this,’ she said and swung it through the air twice. Then she threw a leaf in the air and sliced at it. My eyes saw the blade cut it in half, but when it fell it was still in one piece. ‘You see,’ she went on when I picked up the leaf to examine it, ‘this blade doesn’t affect anything from this plane. It was made for and by celestials, and until I have returned it to its owner I won’t use another blade.’

I was puzzled at this. What was this blade’s history and how did it come to be in possession of a mortal? Before I could ask any of those questions, a rustling in the bushes alerted us to the presence of two goblins, eager to take part in our meal and if possible our other possessions too. I prepared a spell and Raphael readied his hammer, but before either of us could move Pan had plucked the strings on her harp, which I saw in a special holster on her hip. It was the most pleasant sound I had heard, vibrant and bright yet profound, emanating from the golden frame embellished with ornaments and engravings. The music was pleasant to me, but the goblins shrieked in fear and ran as fast as their little legs would carry them.

‘I’m not entirely useless, if that’s what you were worried about,’ she continued as if nothing had happened, sheathing her rapier and tuning her harp. ‘But much like yourself, Lysander, I prefer words over weapons. And yes, an attack spell with a magic word still counts into that category.’

She laughed again, but now it sounded much more pleasant to me. We continued our journey and stopped at a small town I knew on the way to rest for the night. I hadn’t anticipated how much attention bringing a bard would draw to us, but the innkeeper was very grateful and offered all of us free accomodation should Pandora Angelica, as she was known, perform for the evening. Not being a people person myself, I had never heard of her before, but the news of her arrival travelled around town and the inn filled with people at a greater rate than previous to our arrival. Due to our newly found fame, we were granted a corner table where Pan could rest between her songs and where we were left undisturbed by the general crowd. While people sat down around us with food and drink, Pan tuned her instrument one last time and entered a stage at one end of the room. A single chair was on it and she took a seat, pulled some of her strings a little and took a moment to pause and think, staring at the floor in front of her. The crowd fell silent, all eyes on her, and I was certain that the lights around us dimmed a little, leaving the stage the brightest point  the room.

Without another word her fingers moved across the strings and filled the room with music that left me gasping for air as though I was drowning. Her voice joined into the harmony and the tapping of her foot provided a rhythm to a song unlike any I had ever heard. The words themselves felt meaningless, but the music spoke of great loss and a journey to find again. When the song had ended, the audience had hardly time to show their appreciation before Pan moved onto the next song, different in every sense. While the last one had been serene, almost too beautiful to be heard with your ears alone, this next one made people jump to their feet, wipe the recent tears off their faces and dance in the little space that was still free in the common room. And then this song finished, and then another, and people were shouting for more, put Pan held up a hand and asked if they wouldn’t give her break, so among laughter and some hopeful people helping her off the stage, she joined us in the corner while some other bards tried their luck at appeasing the crowd.

‘That first one was new,’ Raphael remarked when she dug into her dinner. ‘That was about him, wasn’t it?’

Pan just nodded, her mouth too full to speak.

‘It was beautiful,’ he said. ‘Nearly had me in tears. Well done.’

‘About who?,’ I asked, hopeful to catch a morsel of information that would help me take part in their conversations in the future.

Raphael and Pan exchanged a long silent look, then Pan, her mouth still full, shrugged and gave Raphael a nod. He sighed and turned to me, the usual joy gone from his face for the first time since we met.

‘When I met Pan, she had just survived a celestial battle and was looking for a solar by the name of Dereniel. I’m not sure how it all started, but there were angels fighting angels, and Pan had been drawn into it and been given that sword of hers. There were a few close calls and she was possessed by a devil and such, and in the end all the angels left the material plane, including Dereniel, the one who gave her the sword and the harp and who had saved her life a few times. The harp I believe he gave her afterwards, because he came back to thank her for her assistance.’ There was a pause while we both looked at Pan who, still chewing, looked back at Raphael. I couldn’t tell what emotion was clouding her eyes, but I could tell that the whole affair had got to her and hearing it all again hadn’t made it any better.

‘So she is looking for this Dereniel to return his sword?,’ I concluded, a touch uncertain. It sounded like an impossible task. And what could she possibly gain from it? Did she want a second celestial instrument in return?

Pan got up from the table, downed her mead in one go and under the crowd’s cheering returned to the stage.

‘It’s not just that,’ Raphael said in a low voice and moved closer to me. ‘They fought side by side, and they were very fond of each other.’

I could feel his hand on the chair behind me, his arm embracing my shoulders and his fingers toying with my shirt’s sleeve. It made me feel ever so slightly uncomfortable, but for some strange reason I didn’t want him to stop either.

‘So they were companions, like you and I, and she cared for him,’ I went on, unsure whether he would pull his arm back if I leaned back in my chair. ‘And she wants him to return so they can continue their adventures together.’

Raphael looked at me out of the corners of his eyes. His smile returned to his face. ‘I suppose you’re not wrong,’ he agreed. 'Although I dare say there's a bit more to it.’

Pan’s songs became more and more lively, many of the spectators started to clear a central space in the inn and started to dance. Some other bards took their instruments and joined Pan on the stage. In one of the fluid changes between songs, I saw her talk to the fiddler next to her, who nodded and took up the lead. She got to her feet, put her harp on the chair and jumped into the crowd. Since she was the same height as me, I lost sight of her until she appeared between the people crowding around our table. She came to a halt next to Raphael and extended a hand. He grinned, murmured an apology into my ear and got to his feat, removing his arm from my shoulders. Pan dragged the watchmaker to the dancefloor, and I had to stand on my chair to see what was going on. As soon as they reached it, they took up poses, and as if that had been a secret signal, the music changed and led by the fiddler, the other musicians started up a new, lively song. Pan started to dance her blue skirts flying around her as she twirled, her feet moving in intricate patterns, but she neither missed a step, nor tripped over her own feet. Next Raphael began to move in a similar way. They joined hands and moved in synchronicity, then they split apart and had their own steps until they joined once more. It was a beautiful combination of movements and I could have watched them dance until the morning. But the song ended in a final chord and the two struck their final pose, the inn around them exploding into applause. While I noticed with surprise that they were both panting and their cheeks pink, I was even more surprised I found myself cheering and clapping with the crowd. 

After I had regained my self-control, I sat back in the chair and waited for Raphael to join me. I saw Pan climb to the stage again and take back the lead of what now could only be called a musical ensemble. More people seemed to get up to dance now, and suddenly a hand appeared in front of my face, extended to take mine, should I be willing to give it. I looked up and into Raphael’s grinning face. The tips of my ears were starting to burn red hot when I waved my hands and tried to back away, but my chair simply hit the wall and my friend still stood there with his hand extended.

‘I’ve never danced, I would make a fool of myself,’ I tried to convince him, but I already knew that it would be to no avail.

‘Or you might enjoy it,’ Raphael beamed, his blue eyes sparking. ‘If you never have, how could you know?’

I sighed, acknowledging the logic behind his argument and gingerly put my hand into his. He pulled me off my chair and into the crowd. When he found a space big enough, he stopped pulling, but still held my hand tightly in his. I’m not certain of the next events, everything became a blur as he pushed and pulled me this way and that, turning me, then holding me close before ushering me through under his arm and so forth. I remember tripping at least twice and stepping on his feet, but he simply laughed and continued on. At last he stopped and caught me when I kept turning and lost my balance. He grinned down at me, holding me close, and I wasn’t certain if my pounding heart came from the dance or the way his azure eyes burrowed into mine, disturbing my otherwise crystal clear thoughts while the smell of his blue shirt burnt itself into my memory, the scent of warm grass and leaves.

Before I had adequate time to assess the situation, it was already over and he put me back on my feet and took a step away. Still smiling he reached out and put an errand strand of my blonde hair behind my ear. His hand lingered there for just a moment, touching the back of my jaw and my neck, then he pulled it back again and motioned me to follow him outside. My heart was still racing and my head strangely light when I stepped into the cool night air. I was certain it was the drink, since normally I was satisfied with water and did not consume any alcohol. Deep breaths helped my head stop spinning and I made my way over to where Raphael had stopped just out of reach of the lights staring into the dark.

‘It’s a shame the sky is overcast tonight,’ he told me ‘I could have shown you some more stars.’

‘Your display last night was quite impressive,’ I agreed with a smile he was unable to see. ‘But perhaps there will be another time you can show me.’

‘How would you like it if it were almost every night?’ I could hear his grin carrying on the words and I frowned, trying to derive the meaning of his expression. He could not suggest that I take the hammer. But perhaps he was suggesting he could make me such an instrument with which I could observe the stars myself whenever I felt like it.

‘That sounds like a wonderful idea, my friend,’ I replied with a grateful nod. ‘Tomorrow we will reach the town I spoke of, and I am certain that the workshop will be perfect for your purposes.’

We stared into the night sky for some time in silence.

‘In that town,’ Raphael started, and I was surprised to hear hesitation in his voice, ‘are there many gnomes?’

I thought about this. I had only been there a very short time.

‘Apart from the owner of the workshop, I did not notice any,’ I explained. ‘But there might be a few more. Would you like me to find them when we get there?’

‘That’s quite alright,’ he said and his hand took my shoulder, then moved across to my other shoulder until his arm was around my back. ‘I’d prefer different company anyway.’

My heart started pounding again. I was in a strange elevated state between frightened and overjoyed, unable to move or think clearly. In one of the more conventional texts I had read, I remembered the phrase to get butterflies, and to that day I had never understood what it had meant. But at that exact moment, I could feel them inside my stomach and my chest, little butterflies tickling me on the inside. I exhaled and smiled to myself, happy to simply be when and where I was, appreciating that the unexpected had finally happened even to me, master of my mind, and yet somehow Raphael had outweighed any reason and put my heart in charge. I was wondering what would happen next, where this road would take me, but for now there was only way to find out. Raphael seemed to know, so I decided to follow his lead and satisfy my curiosity.

We simply stood there until I started to shiver in the cold night, then we returned inside and went to our rooms to rest the night. Pandora was still playing, but I was certain that she too would retire soon after. I struggled to enter my trance that night, the image of Raphael’s face floating in front of my closed eyes. Some part of me was afraid what would happen next. Would he be gone the next morning when I woke up? Was it a good idea to trust him and completely rely on him? His social expertise surely came from past experiences, and I refused to simply become another name on a list. But how could I be certain? Perhaps it was a better idea to forget any ideas of getting too involved with him. Although I would deeply regret losing his friendship and acquaintance.

Somehow I rested for four hours before I once more devoted myself to my studies, which I somehow felt I had neglected over the last few days. When the first rays of the morning sun broke through my window, there was a pensive knock on my door and I looked up.

‘Enter.’

The door opened and Pan’s head appeared around the corner. When she saw me sit on the floor cross-legged surrounded by scrolls and books, she smiled and moved through the small crack in the door in a very feline manner.

‘Aren’t you going to come down for breakfast?,’ she asked when I returned my attention to the pages in front of me.

‘I’m not hungry, I ate too much last night,’ I replied without looking up.

‘Then maybe you should pack up so we can go,’ she suggested. ‘Raphael is getting worried.’

I paused and lowered my quill.

‘What would he be worried about?’

‘Well, when he knocked before there was no answer,’ she explained, sitting down opposite me and attempted to read my notes upside down. ‘And you weren’t downstairs neither, so he’s currently outside the inn, asking passers-by if they’ve seen you.’

The smile on Pan’s face made me doubt myself. Was she having me on, or was this indeed the truth? Was Raphael in the belief that I would simply leave without saying my goodbyes? As fast as I could manage with my shaking fingers, I packed my scrolls and books back into my satchel, sealed my inks and stored my quills. Then I took my remaining belongings and made my way down the stairs and through the empty common room out to the road, followed by the bard. Raphael was indeed standing on the street, looking into the distance. Pan ran past me while I approached him, jumped onto his back and covered both his eyes. The watchmaker staggered backwards for a moment and by the time he dislodged his friend, I had finally caught up to them. When his eyes came to rest on me, his face lit up and he pulled me into a tight embrace.

‘You came back!,’ he exclaimed. ‘I thought I scared you off last night.’

I frowned at this. None of his actions seemed to be source of fear for anyone, even less so for me.

‘I apologise, I must have been too engrossed in my studies to hear you knocking. But please be assured, I would not simply leave without saying farewell.’

Raphael frowned, and behind him I saw Pan turn her back on us, her shoulders shaking. This made me furrow my brow. Our conversation should not have caused her any grief, even if she had been that concerned for our common friend. There was no need for her to cry.

‘I never knocked on your door,’ Raphael said slowly and glanced sideways at the still shaking Pan.

‘But then how could you be sure that I had left? Did you not think to check?’

The watchmaker had completely turned to Pan now, he had her back on us and was shaking even more.

‘You…,’ he began and stopped himself in time before the curses were carried down the street by the wind. ‘Why, Pan? Why are you like this?’

A strange noise erupted from her, and only after a few moments I realised that she was crying with laughter. She turned and wiped the tears out of her eyes.

‘You should have seen your faces,’ she managed when she had calmed down a little. ‘You two are really too cute.’

Raphael aimed a mock punch on her arm and she flicked his cheek in return. Then she came over to me and hugged me with such force, I had to take a step backwards. In a flash she had already let go, winked at me, then she took up her pack that was on the ground next to Raphael.

‘Alright then, shall we?’

She walked off in the direction of the next town and I gave Raphael a look intended to carry across all the puzzlement collected in my mind at this moment. He rolled his eyes and shrugged, then the catchy smile returned to his face.

‘Sorry about that,’ he explained when we followed. ‘When I got up, she told me she saw you leave, so I rushed out to find you. I should have guessed it was one of her jokes.’

‘I fail to see why it would be considered amusing,’ I returned with raised eyebrows. ‘You could have gotten into danger, travelling on by yourself.’

‘She wouldn’t have let that happen,’ he said, confidence ringing in his words. ‘She’s a good soul. Just sometimes she doesn’t know where to stop.’


	4. A New Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After gaining some insight from Pan, Lysander finds Raphael getting more distant and cold as they approach their destination. He forms a plan that will take all his courage to win over his new-found friend.

On the road I made a point to gain some time alone with Pan, to ascertain why she had lied both to Raphael and myself in order to amuse herself. At first she burst out laughing again, but that time it only lasted a moment, then she grinned at me and toyed with the strings of her harp.

‘Did you think that was just so I could have a laugh?,’ she countered my question with a question. ‘You should be thanking me. I thought it worked rather well.’

I stopped dead, trying to pry my intellect into her puzzling answer. ‘In that case I fail to see what your ultimate goal was.’

‘Well, I admit, I did have my fun,’ she laughed conspiratorially. ‘But I could tell that both of you have been wondering. So I wanted to give you a chance to show your true feelings. And I guess it worked.’

I was still not satisfied. ‘Wondering about what, may I ask?’

‘You may,’ she smiled. ‘I could see it on your face. You weren’t sure if he cared, if he would stay with you or if he would go waltzing off with the next handsome guy. I won’t even ask if I’m right, I can tell.’ Her smug answer irritated me even further. ‘But did you know that he was thinking precisely the same thing?’

‘He was?’ The surprise in my voice was far too obvious, but I had understood enough to know that this woman was reading both of us like open books. So if I could save my efforts at disguising my true intentions, I would gladly do so. It was something I had never been truly good at in any case.

‘I was watching from the stage,’ she continued. ‘When he dragged you to the dance floor, and you tried your best to keep up with him. I talked to him later that night and he thought that he frightened you, he thought that he forced you to dance and that you hadn’t enjoyed it.’

I thought about this, trying to remember the events of the last evening. It was true, he had dragged me there against my better judgement, but I had made an effort to make it pleasurable, and even though I doubted our dance hat looked anything as graceful as his and Pan’s, I had indeed enjoyed myself, despite my first impression.

‘But then I thought, if you really hadn’t wanted to, you would have pretended to hurt your foot or to fall over to make it clear you wouldn’t try again,’ Pan continued, glancing at me from the corners of her eyes. ‘At least that’s what I’ve done in the past. But when you lost your footing, you got back up and continued. And even though you never smiled even once, it was very clear you didn’t mind his company one bit.’

‘But then why would he believe that I had simply left?,’ I asked again. ‘I am aware that you told him so, but we have been travelling in each other’s company for two whole days, and I assumed he would know me better than that.’

‘He’s a bit sensitive,’ Pan smiled. ‘He’s a heartbreaker, don’t get me wrong,’ she continued when I gave her a surprised look. ‘And he’ll always do the first step towards someone he finds interesting. But normally people instinctively react one way or the other, they put up a wall, or they go with it. And with you, he finds it extremely hard to tell. Mixed messages, you know? You never turn him down, but you also never show any enthusiasm. I think it’s confusing him a bit.’

I took all that in. It had never occurred to me that my actions, which were mostly out of politeness and general uncertainty, could be seen as a deterrent for him to make any further attempts. In my ignorance, I might as well have lost this wonderful person’s affection without my knowledge and through my reticence, which I had assumed automatically in this new and unknown situation.

‘He’s not the brightest, he doesn’t always notice everything or read people well,’ Pan continued after a moment of silence. ‘That’s why I wanted to give him a pointer. But you should know that he needs to know from you as well that he is doing the right thing.’

‘Perhaps next time I should inform him,’ I suggested and Pan sighed.

‘No, not like that,’ she grinned. ‘Come on, I know you have it in you. And I promise I won’t tell him that I saw you standing in the front row yesterday, clapping and shouting your heart out.’

I felt my face burn crimson red. I hadn’t expected anyone to notice my brief loss of composure.

‘Just, next time he makes a joke or he says or does something nice to you, give him a smile. Or return the favour somehow,’ she explained. Then she gave me a stern look. ‘Don’t you dare say something academic to “show your appreciation”. If I ever catch you doing that, I’ll make sure you can’t say anything for a while.’

I stared at her in horror. Did she truly have the power to take my ability to speak? Then I nodded. ‘I will certainly try my best.’

‘Try what?’

Raphael’s voice behind us made us both jump.

‘How long have you been there?’

‘What? I just got here,’ he replied sounding hurt. ‘What was so important that you two needed to whisper?’

‘Oh, you know,’ Pan laughed. ‘Just talking about you.’

‘You were?’ He looked from her at my face, which was burning hot once more, possibly transforming to an even deeper shade of red. ‘What could you be talking about?’

‘Lysander just told me that he thinks you’re a great dancer,’ Pan continued her string of lies and put an arm around my shoulder. ‘And he asked if I could teach him, so he doesn’t embarrass you so much next time.’

Raphael’s eyes were still resting on me, and his face was rivalling the sun in its radiance. ‘Oh, that’s alright,’ he burst out. ‘I thought you did really well. But I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wasn’t quite sure…’ His voice trailed into silence and we stared at each other for a moment until Pan’s grip on my shoulder hardened and I remembered our conversation earlier. So I twisted my face into a friendly smile.

‘It was rather enjoyable, I must admit,’ I managed. ‘Thank you for the opportunity.’

Raphael reached out one hand, but while I estimated its trajectory to ultimately connect with my face, he changed the direction and he gave me a pat on the shoulder instead. When he had turned his back and was heading down the road once more, Pan whispered into my ear.

‘I think we need to practice that smile, but it was a good effort for your first romantic conversation.’

I swallowed and nodded, wondering once more what I had gotten myself into and for what reason my complex studies on the nature of magic itself seemed much simpler than interacting with people in my daily life for the past few days.

For the rest of our journey I attempted to put some distance between Pan and myself. Her behaviour towards me made me uneasy. While I still struggled to grasp her motivations and her interest in mine and Raphael’s relationship, my determination to stay away from her meant, the only other person I could spend time with was Raphael. So I did my best to be sociable, he asked attentive questions about my studies and my progress in my different fields of research. In return, I had the opportunity to learn more about his mechanisms, his fascination for the measuring and trapping of time and the lessons he learned from his gnomish master. He became taciturn when I asked about his reason for adventuring, and I did not feel brave enough to linger on a subject so uncomfortable to him. Although I did wonder what events in his past would have caused his exodus and his continuing reluctance to speak about the end of his time with the gnomish master.

In the early afternoon we reached the borders of the small town we had set out for initially. And while it had been an enjoyable journey, it felt like the longest I have ever made. We took up lodgings in the nicer of the two inns and proceeded to introduce ourselves to the owner of the abandoned shop. As I had expected, he did not seem thrilled to have anyone but a gnome manufacture and sell the fine mechanical things the local people were used to, but with a sample of Raphael’s craftsmanship I managed to tip the scales the other way and we retired that night with a shiny shop key and our hearts full of hopes and dreams. Pan’s performative skills once more provided us with free food and drink, and because the innkeeper did recognise me from a service I had done him before, our lodgings as well we did not need to pay for.

Raphael seemed strangely quiet that evening, while I spoke of other places and scriptures I was planning to find. The crowd around us showed their appreciation for Pan’s music, but my friend remained silent and seemed almost melancholic. When I asked if something was the matter, he gave me a wistful smile and shook his head. In his hand he still held the key to his new shop in a tight grip. I had assumed that it would be a great source of joy for him, but ever since he received it, the happiness that had been radiating from him on our entire journey had simply disappeared.

After a while, Pan joined us for her evening meal, and between bites she was looking from Raphael back to me, giving me a stern look, and him a worried glance. While she returned to the stage, I saw her hand make a symbol in the air, and her voice rang in my head.

‘Talk to him,’ she said in my mind. ‘Find out what’s bothering him and help.’

‘I have attempted to do so,’ I replied in my thoughts and turned the mug in front of me round and round. ‘But he will not speak. I thought he wanted to have a shop, but now that he has it, he seems as though he lost something.’

‘You’re smart, figure it out,’ were her last words, then she smiled at the crowd from the stage again and played up once more. Her music, the singing crowd and the other conversations taking place, made it impossible for me to converse with my friend, so I got to my feet and with a gesture asked him to accompany me outside. To my surprise he gave me a smile and followed, his mood seeming to lift almost immediately. Once the noise behind us was somewhat muffled by the closed door and the shutters, I proceeded to interrogate my companion in an amiable fashion.

‘What ails you, my friend?,’ I began. ‘One would almost think that you didn’t want to open a shop after all. Have you owned one before?’

‘No, I haven’t,’ he answered and pushed pebbles over the ground with the tip of his boot, not meeting my eyes. I gave a grave nod.

‘It can be daunting, a prospect such as that. It is a very big step for any craftsman. But please rest assured, I am happy to assist, and I am certain Pan will as well.’

I felt quite pleased with myself. Through simple questions and deductions I had finally uncovered the source of Raphael’s dismay. His mood did seem to lift somewhat at my words. For the first time since we left the inn, he looked at me.

‘You mean, you’ll stay?’

‘As long as I am needed,’ I replied with a nod. ‘And when you feel more settled, I won’t intrude any further on your new life.’

There was a drawn-out silence between us, in which we heard rowdy cheers from inside the inn and a noise as though several boots all hit the surface of the tables at once.

‘There is quite a lot of room in the shop,’ Raphael continued once the noise had died down. ‘There are a few more rooms out the back where I can live.’

‘Yes, and you will be able to move in tomorrow,’ I smiled.

‘I don’t think I need all of that space,’ Raphael laughed and scratched the back of his head. His curls fell over his arm and the side of his face when he bent slightly forward. ‘Even though gnomes lived in it, it’s made for a whole family. There will be at least two rooms I can’t find a use for.’

‘You will, I’m sure,’ I replied and patted him on the arm. No matter where I had taken up lodgings, within days all rooms had turned into studies and libraries, including the kitchen and what other people considered living space. I was certain he would find plenty of uses for the empty space. Without warning he suddenly reached out a hand, caught a strand of my blonde hair and pushed it back behind my ear, as he had once before. It was a gesture of surprising intimacy in this moment, and I found myself rooted to the spot, while a smile moved across his face like a shooting star. Then as soon as it had come, the moment had gone.

‘Why don’t you take them?,’ he suggested, continuing our conversation as though nothing had happened. ‘Then you can stay with me for a while. It will be fun.’

I considered this. It was a generous offer, and two rooms would allow me to have a resting place and a study, both in the same house as my dear friend. We would be able to spend time together everyday, and even though I would have to visit other places to complete my research, somehow having a place to come back to seemed like a wonderful notion. But was I thinking too far? Was he simply offering them to me until he was settled? Then he might need them for his own use, and my presence would only intrude. In that case I would be obliged to leave, but until such a time, I would gladly…

‘It’s a stupid idea, forget I suggested it,’ Raphael said and turned back to the inn, leaving me behind in the night. ‘It’s getting really late. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

I stood outside the bright windows, dumbfounded. Had he changed his mind and realised that he did need the room after all? I would have been satisfied with a smaller space, even if I stayed in the inn for the time being until I could be certain that he was happy and satisfied where he was. If I was honest with myself, I had never really been cut out for life on the road. The constant travelling, the risk of the weather being unfavourable, the lack of movable storage, all of those had always been rather taxing. And part of me felt that this at least would be a place where I could live in comfort and peace, if not in excellent company so his offer had been more than welcome. But why had I hesitated? Perhaps I had not expected his generosity to be this large. Had it been my place, I would have considered much longer before inviting someone to live with me, even more so if we had only met days before.

As I was lost in my thoughts, I suddenly felt Pan’s mind touch mine starting to communicate.

‘What happened? Raphael just went to his room. And take it from me, he’s not someone who goes to bed before midnight. What did you do?’

I felt my mouth open and shut a few times, trying to find the right words, before I remembered that this was a telepathic conversation that didn’t require words. As so many times before, I felt how much easier it was to communicate with thoughts rather than words, but I tried to formulate the confusion in my mind into comprehensible structure. After the initial sequence of random thoughts, words and images, which are always on the top of my mind, I managed to respond.

‘He asked me to move in, and while I was trying to find a polite way to accept his generous invitation, he suddenly changed his mind, told me that it had been a bad idea and walked away.’

There was sudden silence from inside the inn, following a discord of the music. Then I heard different instruments starting up a completely different tune, and only moments later the door opened and Pan came outside, walking towards me at high speed and with undisguised fury on her face. As she approached I prepared myself for what was about to come. Had she come to take out her frustration in the form of physical violence on me? I heard her mutter to herself under her breath in a foreign language I hadn’t heard previously, but I was sure it had to be one of the numerous human dialects I had heard of but never encountered.

‘Ma, che sei grullo?,’ she concluded when she reached me and shook her head. ‘Stupido ragazzo.’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘No, not you,’ she sighed and shook her head again. ‘At least not  _ just _ you, both of you are bloody stupid. Why did he run away? Cazzo. Now I can start over.’

I simply stood and waited for her monologue to make sense. She continued to talk to herself in her strange language for a while, gesturing and kicking pebbles, until she finally gave a low scream of utter frustration into the night sky and returned to me.

‘Okay, I’ll explain a few things,’ she began, pulled me over to the well and sat down on the edge. ‘Raphael hasn’t been one for long-term relationships so far. I’m happy to see that’s changing, I’m sure it will do him some good, but he is very new at this. He has never lived together with anyone and I’m sure part of him is very scared about growing roots and letting someone into his life permanently.’ She stared at me for a moment. ‘You do realise I’m talking about you, right? He’s never had that much patience for one person. It’s quite amazing really. You should be flattered.’

I nodded. I hadn’t realised that his behaviour towards me was different from others. I had simply assumed that he was always this caring and outgoing with everyone else he met.

‘I think I understand,’ I returned. ‘You think his response to my consideration was rash and made out of fear of rejection and the new situation altogether.’

‘You could say that, yes.’ Pan frowned.

‘Then I think I know what I must do,’ I informed her, bowed my head slightly, got back to my feet and headed towards the inn. Before I had gotten far, I felt her hand on my arm, holding me back.

‘No, let him be for tonight,’ she said. ‘I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow, and maybe after a good night’s sleep his head will be a bit clearer. Part of the problem is that he himself doesn’t know what he wants. He’ll have to figure that out first.’

I considered this, then I nodded. ‘Very well, I shall speak to him in the morning.’

I bade her a good night and retired to my room for the night, studying some more books before starting my trance. The music downstairs resumed as it had begun and when I awoke in the early hours of morning, instead of continuing my research, I packed all my belongings together as neatly as I could and went outside to await the sunrise. Today’s events were looming large on my mind and I felt that some fresh air might help clear my troublesome thoughts. And since I didn’t intend to spend another night at the inn, should everything go according to my plan, I took my things with me. As the sun rose behind the trees, I looked up from the book I was reading at the sound of a door. In the door frame stood Raphael, looking somewhat wild as though he had neither rested nor risen properly, his shirt was untucked, his curly hair standing off his head like in a thunderstorm. His head whipped around and he had to push the strands out of his eyes to be able to see. He looked left and right, craning his neck, until he spotted me sitting under a tree, at which point he started running towards me, his face screwed up in concern.

‘Are you well?,’ I asked when he reached me. ‘You seem to be in distress.’

‘Hm?,’ he said and sat down facing me.

‘You don’t seem to have gotten much sleep last night, my friend,’ I explained. ‘And you look worried. Is something the matter?’

‘Well, I thought… I knocked on your door and… There was nothing there, nothing at all. I thought you left for good this time.’ His voice trailed off and I realised my mistake.

‘My dear friend,’ I said and put my hand on his arm. ‘Please be assured I would not simply disappear without taking my leave. We are travelling companions after all, and when our journeys finally part ways, there should at least be kind words and some means to keep our connection.’

He looked at my hand on his arm and then back at me. I pulled it back, unsure if I had been too direct and if my actions had offended him in his current fragile state. Worry was now beginning to creep into my features, I could feel it, while his face was blank. An unpleasant change to my previous experiences with him. Either he had been smiling or showing some other strong emotion, but now there was simply nothing there. What could that mean? Behind him I saw the inn door open once more and Pan stepped out into the early sunbeams, stretched and wandered over to us.

‘Hello there, my lovebirds,’ she grinned and sat down cross-legged next to us. ‘My word, Raphael, did you get any sleep at all? You look terrible.’

‘Maybe a little,’ he murmured and combed his hair back with his fingers. ‘Had a lot on my mind.’

‘How about you go clean yourself up,’ she said with a crystal clear cheerfulness that was as brittle as glass. ‘You have a shop to open today, and I bet you haven’t packed your things yet either. Come on, off you go!’

She shooed him back into the inn, then she returned to me when the door had shut behind his broad back. When she sat back down she was shaking her head.

‘I think what he needs is a bucket of cold water over his head,’ she told me. ‘I’ve never seen him like this.’

‘Do you think I could help in any way?,’ I asked. ‘Perhaps he would like some assistance taking his things over to…’

‘No, let him do that,’ Pan sighed. ‘I’m not sure if there’s anything that would help. It’s a big change for him, he’s been on the road for quite a while. But I’m sure he’ll come right. He just needs to get his head around the new situation, and unfortunately he is only a genius when it comes to mechanics, not necessarily real life.’

I shrugged. I didn’t consider myself an expert in the ways of life, but I failed to see why the prospect of a life in this town with an appropriate employment and adequate lodgings seemed so daunting to my dear friend. While Pan organised some breakfast for the three of us, I continued my reading until she returned, at which point I was dragged into a conversation about her family and origins. To my surprise she revealed herself to be of noble birth, both on the side of her human father and her elven mother. Both were in the lower aristocracy, but nevertheless she had had an excellent education. Her father had been a diplomat for Baldur’s Gate, entrusted with keeping relations with Silverymoon and especially the elven population there. In time he had won the affection of an elven lady, and against everyone’s better judgement they married and had a family. The person Pan spoke most of was her paternal grandmother, a woman of ferocity and faith, as well as cunning and great affection. As the daughter of a noble family in those times, she hadn’t been permitted to choose her own path, but had she done so, I am certain she would have proven to be an excellent paladin.

After her grandmother’s death, Pan took her leave of her family. On their travels, she had always performed at official functions, and her father had spared no expense to provide her and her siblings with the best tutors. She had always loved music and stories, so she decided to make her way as a bard, follow the wind and her heart. From her tales I also gathered that while she was the oldest, she had a younger sister and two younger brothers who both joined the Knights of the Shield, something of an aristocratic city guard, but that was when she left a few years ago, and from letters from her mother she understood that both now were on adventures of their own while her sister had stayed at home, taking care of their now elderly father.

Some time later, we were interrupted by Raphael once more emerging into the morning air. His hair was kempt, his clothes were tidy, but I could not fail to notice the dark shadows under his eyes. With him he had his hammer and his pack slung over his back, and in his closed hand I saw the glint of metal. Pan and I got to our feet, brushing the remaining crumbs off our clothes and we met our friend on the road.

‘Right,’ Pan said and handed him a sandwich. ‘Let’s open that magic door, shall we?’

We proceeded through town to the little shop we had looked at the day before, and with a shaking hand, Raphael placed the key in the lock and the door swung inwards. Pan immediately pushed past him, inspecting every room, every window and every shelf, commenting on the tidiness, cleanliness and general size of the building. Raphael followed with a smile and so did I after a moment. We helped him unpack and find a place for most of the belongings he had brought with him. I was surprised at how little he carried, but I informed him of the best tailors and cobblers in town to stock up on his garderobe and a carpenter should he require additional furniture. My efforts were rewarded with a sad smile I hadn’t seen before, and I lapsed into insecure silence once more.

When he was sufficiently settled, we went back out to the street again, Pan bubbling with excitement and me shrouded in quiet contemplation. I looked from one to the other, and Raphael now seemed much more at peace than he had this morning. Perhaps now was the time? I cleared my throat, and in an instant I had both their eyes fixed on me. Nervousness rose to my face in crimson and I struggled to line up the words I had so carefully assembled in my mind since last night.

‘Raphael,’ I said and cleared my throat again. ‘I’m afraid our conversation last night was cut rather short, and I wanted to apologise if any of my actions had caused you grief or discomfort.’ I saw Pan frown out of the corner of my eyes, but I knew that I had to continue. She would understand soon enough. ‘However there is something I wanted to say, and I hope it is not out of place, and I hope even more that you will consider my request.’ I cleared my throat again. This time it was Raphael who raised his eyebrows. But up to this point neither of them had interrupted me, so I gathered the last of my courage and continued on. ‘You had offered me lodgings with you, and though my hesitation could be seen as a form of rejection, I wanted to inform you that on the contrary, it had been caused by a most joyful surprise. If I may, I would like to request that I … would be permitted to stay with you, for some time at least. I realise it is not my place, and this is rather rude of me to force myself on you in this manner, however I…’ I trailed into silence, unsure how to continue. Had I said too much? Had I said too little? Either way, all I could do now was…

‘You mean, you want to stay with me?,’ Raphael said hoarsely. I saw Pan raise a hand to her mouth, but my eyes were fixed on the man in front of me, and the gaze of his azure eyes locked into mine.

‘If I may be permitted,’ I continued. ‘Of course if you require the room at any time, I will be happy to find lodgings elsewhere. But for the beginning while you are stocking up and getting settled, I thought it would be pleasant to have each other’s company. At least for some time. Which is why…’

I could not continue any further. With a single step Raphael had closed the distance between us, put one hand around my waist, the other touched my cheek, caressed it, then moved to the back of my neck and he pulled me into a tight embrace. While my face was buried in his chest, I heard his voice whisper into my ear.

‘Normally I’m the one making the big steps,’ he told me. ‘But it’s nice to know that I was going in the right direction. I’m sorry if I put you on the spot. Please allow me to make it up to you.’

His grip loosened far enough that I could draw air again, but before I could say a word, I was nose to nose with him, his eyes were half-shut while I had mine wide open. There was a warm smile in them, then he tilted his head ever so slightly and our lips touched in the same moment that my heart stopped. I stood there, frozen to the spot, unsure what I should do, while his grip tightened around me and he kissed me again and again. The smell of his skin got caught in my nose, his beard tickled my skin and he tasted of the berries we had for breakfast only moments before. I could feel his tongue gently touch the inside of my lips, and I was surprised at the fact that this revolting physical act did in fact not make me feel any more uncomfortable. On the contrary, I realised, I was starting to enjoy it.  After some time I felt that I could breathe again and I had also regained control over my body. What should I do now? The only reasonable course of action seemed to be to return his embrace, caress his cheek with my hands, move them through his silky curls and close my eyes to enjoy this moment and commit it to memory for all eternity. So I did.

Somewhere in the far distance, I heard someone starting to clap. With the noise, the real world returned and the spell was broken. Raphael released his hold of me and I sank a few inches to the ground, unaware that I had been lifted up. I caught his beaming face and looked down, feeling my face starting to burn with embarrassment. It wasn’t enough that he had made me lose my composure, but he had done so in public, and although at this hour of the morning there was nobody around to see except Pan, even her attention at this moment was fuelling the fire on my skin. He reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, then his hand travelled down to my chin and lifted my face so I would meet his eyes again. I couldn’t help but give him a shy smile. This had most certainly been a unique experience, and one I was happy to repeat, should the occasion arise.

‘Grazie a dei,’ Pandora sighed when she had stopped clapping a cheering. ‘I thought you two would never get there.’ Then she skipped over and first hugged Raphael, then me. While she had her arms around my neck, I was certain I heard her whisper: ‘Well done, I knew you could do it.’

For the rest of the day we helped Raphael unpack and organise some furniture and new clothes. He let me choose two rooms, one of which would be my lodgings, the other my study. I wasn’t entirely certain, but I thought I noticed a slight smile on his face when he asked my help in getting his own room into order. The bed he chose seemed a bit large, but it was his house, and he had every right to be comfortable, so I said nothing. Pan seemed amused as well, but when I asked her the reason, she simply waved a hand and said: ‘I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.’

Once our rooms were set-up, I asked Pan if she was planning to stay. Her response was somewhat quizzical, since she said she would need to play in the inn again tonight, so Raphael and myself would need to find our own dinner, and she would come by the next morning before she would travel on. But she did not want to stay for the evening or for the following days. The road called her, she said, and she got bored with the same crowd every night. When the sun went down, Pan took her leave and headed for the inn. I wasn’t certain if she was expecting her to follow, or if she had intended us to have some time to ourselves, but I feared to embarrass myself if I asked, so I simply offered Raphael my help in making our dinner.

It was a simple meal, but my dear friend and now coresident made it very enjoyable for both of us. For a lack of chairs we sat cross-legged on the carpet of the workshop and had our dinner on the floor. Throughout the evening Raphael sat very close to me, once or twice he picked something off his plate that he said I should try and insisted on feeding me directly. In the beginning I thought to protest, I was a grown elf after all, but the smile on his face made it difficult for me to refuse him, and I realised I enjoyed his touch and yearned for more. He had changed completely since the morning, the dark shadows under his eyes had disappeared and his face now rivalled the late sun shining through the windows. The light made the room glow with warmth and for the first time in many years of travelling I finally felt completely at home in the tranquility and companionship that this new home offered.

The next morning we saw Pan off. She hugged both of us again, although only Raphael returned her affection, and there was a quick conversation between the two of them in Pan’s strange language before she turned and started to walk down the road out of town. She turned once or twice to wave at us, but then there was almost a skip in her step as she disappeared in the green fields and trees outside the town’s border. Raphael turned and went back inside, but I remained lost in thought at this strange person and her motivations. Had it not been for her, I would never have worked up the courage to ask Raphael if I could stay with him, and he would never have fully opened up to me the way he did. When I first met her, I thought they must have been lovers at some point. But now I wasn’t quite certain what their relationship was. A sunbeam caught my attention, illuminating a part of the path at the edge of town. Curious, I thought, the sun was already shining, but there was one part that was brighter than the rest. As I stared, I started to see the faint outline of someone standing and watching Pan walk into the distance. It was a man, even taller than Raphael and of similar broad build. His long straight fair hair fell openly over his back, and from his shoulders two feathered wings sprouted out of his robe-like garments and were folded up against his back. While I stared in disbelief, he turned to face me with a gentle smile and gave me a nod. Then he set off after Pan and disappeared once more from my sight.

‘Come on, she’s gone,’ I heard Raphael call from the house. ‘I’m sure she’ll be back soon.’

‘I’d rather she wouldn’t,’ I returned with a sigh when he shut the door behind us. ‘She is quite an intrusive person. And she needs to get involved with everything.’

‘But if she hadn’t,’ Raphael murmured into my ear, caught me around the waist with his arm and held me tight, ‘none of this would have happened.’

I twisted my head around to look into his face, and it was far too close for my taste, even after the events of the previous day. My heart started to race and I felt blood shooting into my face while there was a strange tense sensation in my lower area. What was going on? Raphael’s other hand caressed my face, then he leaned in and gently kissed the bridge of my nose, my cheek and then my lips. His beard was soft on my skin, and before I knew what I was doing, I was kissing him back.

We did kiss again that night, and for decency’s sake and to satisfy your curiosity, dear reader, I feel it only fair to mention that only a few weeks later did we share Raphael’s bed, and another few weeks later we changed my bedroom into a laboratory for the alloys and chemical components Raphael needed for his work, and I moved into his room. Please don’t force me to describe that time in detail, my ears are already burning with embarrassment as I write this. Just be assured that the time proved to be quite educational to me, as I had never explored this side of emotions and intimacy. And to the day when Raphael to my horror started to undo the buttons of my shirt one by one with that gentle smile of his, I never thought I would. But as with most new situations, I adapted and, though admitting this hurts my academical pride ever so slightly, enjoyed it as well. Pandora came to visit a few more times. She seemed to stay in the area, possibly to keep a closer eye on us. Raphael’s store became quite successful while my studies also progressed at a much greater speed, now that I had a decent library and working area without risking of spilling ink over my notes as I had done many times on the road.

My services as a wizard became popular with the town for a while, but then their interest started to die down once more. I did not blame them. After all, my magic skills were still at the very beginning and I had much to learn. Also I had been told by a neighbour that there was a gnomish wizard in town, whose skills far surpassed mine, and though I did not believe this rumour, he was supposed to have advised the people against seeing me in future. Since I had no quarrel with him and no reason to believe such behaviour to come from a gnome, I simply put it down to the imagination of the townspeople and paid it no further thought. But I made a mental note to pay him a visit, simply to introduce myself, learn his area of research and see if there were any books in his possession of help to me.

One of those nights, my trance was disturbed by a knocking on the back door. Raphael answered it without further ado, silently opening the door in a futile attempt not to wake me. The nocturnal visitor was invited into his laboratory, and though I tried hard, I only heard snippets of Raphael’s voice through the wall. The person he was speaking with was definitely female, but not a voice I recognised.

‘I’ll give it to you once it is finished,’ Raphael said at last. ‘You’re right, it’s far too dangerous to be in my or anyone else’s hands. But I need to complete it first. I just need to know if I can do it.’

The door opened and in the crack of our own door I saw a hooded figure make her way down the corridor and back out the door. I still stood in the centre of the room when Raphael returned and saw me.

‘Sorry,’ he said and came over, caressing my cheek and - like so many times before - pushed a strand of hair out of my face. ‘I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘I didn’t know you get regular visitors at night,’ I returned with a frown, annoyed at the fact that even now there were still secrets he kept from me.

‘Regular is not a term I would use,’ he smiled at me in the dark and kissed my cheek. ‘Come, back to bed.’

‘Will she be back?,’ I insisted, sliding back under the covers and into Raphael’s warm embrace.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘But not tonight. Which suits me just fine, because I have some different plans right now.’

I felt my face burn bright red in the dark when he started to nibble on the tip of my ear, kiss my neck and could not help but smile while I returned Raphael’s affections, but my thoughts still lingered with the hooded woman and what her importance in all this was. In all honesty, Raphael did his best to make me forget all about her, and after about a week he had nearly been successful. Then his birthday arrived and my attention was suddenly caught by a completely different problem. In the morning, a mysterious gift arrived on our doorstep, containing a single small cake. There was no note and no explanation, simply a box with a piece of confectionery, and considering it was his birthday, I can not blame my dear friend to assume it was his and a well intended gift.

**Author's Note:**

> I created this story as a rather extensive backstory of my elf wizard Lysander. Raphael has been a brainchild for a while, and Lysander really just came into being as his boyfriend with no further purpose. But when I started playing D&D, I chose him as my first character, and I really came to love his awkward and polite little ways. Then our DM decided that he and Raphael had already known each other previous to the start of our campaign, and I felt it necessary to work their relationship out and give me a better idea of how Lysander reacts in an emotional context. Something is is generally not very good at (deer in the headlights).  
> And then Pan came sailing by, and I decided that she needed to be part of it as well. Some of you may know her from my other story, so yes, it's basically the same Pan, but in a different story, with a different life. I do that with her. Also I'm the kind of player a DM dreads. My backstories are novels, my characters are far too complex, and I hold serious grudges if my character gets killed.  
> So, I hope you enjoy my little romance. Illustrations are an option. Leave a comment if you liked it.


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